REVIEW — Nosferatu (2024)

At the time of this writing, it has been exactly 24 hours since seeing Nosferatu.

I had been eagerly waiting for months since a release date was chosen, and like pretty much every other horror fan, I was primed and ready as soon as tickets went on sale. Nosferatu, a remake of the 1922 (and 1979) versions and illegal adaptation of Bram Stoker’s 1897 novel Dracula, tells the story of Count Orlok, (the “nosferatu” in question), and his sexually-charged takeover of a small German town by means of realtor Thomas Hutter and his wife, Ellen.

I will spare you the story — we all should know it by now, it’s over 100 years old — but will not spare my criticisms or spoilers.

I’ll start with the things I liked. Having seen other works from director Robert Eggers (The Witch, The Lighthouse, etc.) and knowing Nosferatu was absolutely stacked with an amazing cast (Bill Skarsgård, Nicholas Hoult, Lily-Rose Depp, Aaron Taylor-Johnson, Emma Corrin, Willem Dafoe, and Ralph Ineson), there was absolutely no way that Nosferatu could be anything but an instant classic. Skarsgård is unrecognizable as Count Orlok. Depp has drawn comparisons to Isabelle Adjani in Possession. Dafoe is the best and craziest actor that ever did play a Van Helsing character. On top of that, the setting and set pieces were perfection, giving reality and icy, bitter coldness and 1920s German Expressionism all in one. Everything from costuming to music was a dream that I did not want to wake up from. I was completely hooked the first 20 minutes or so, leading up to Hutter’s realization of what Count Orlok really is.

Unfortunately, I took two specific issues with Nosferatu. The first is the use of CGI in some scenes. I greatly appreciate the level of detail put into the physical elements, of which there were a lot. But seeing the full scope of Count Orlok — ding-a-ling and all — he was entirely too smooth and too “jump-scary.” I recall seeing some comments on the many Instagram posts going around now that he looked a little too much like something out of World War Z or any other zombie-like creature of today. There have been many articles written about how Eggers wanted to make vampires scary again and therefore went deep into the folklore, giving Orlok traditional garb and attributes of rotting human flesh, because he is undead. That’s all well and good, but take him out of dim candlelight and put him under direct moon/sunlight and he looks like an extra from Stay Alive. Other times, for example, the use of CGI rats to help pad the amount of real rats on set, looked great! I just feel they wasted a lot of the make-up and effects crew’s work by smoothing out some of his motions in crucial scary scenes.

And then there was the issue of Ellen. There is a back-and-forth on the ‘gram right now, mostly in favor of Ellen. I have even read articles calling her a “fighter and a victim.” I am here to say her entire existence ruined Nosferatu for me. She is cursed with the gift of foresight, and for that I will not blame her. HOWEVER, this whole situation is entirely her fault and she has ruined everyone’s lives and destroyed a whole city because she was “lonely.” She takes no blame herself and instead attributes it to everyone else not doing what she wants, not “saving” her. Sad part is, she will become a martyr and loved for it.

In Nosferatu, Ellen admits she called into the ether for any spirit — including but unbeknownst to her, Count Orlok. He even hints at her signing some sort of agreement to give her entire being to him and be with him forever. Because she wants her cake and to eat it too, she escapes her “imprisonment” and finds the kindest, most gentlemanly  husband imaginable. Thomas Hutter deserved better! While Ellen lies about her past (up until the very last moment, I might add), Thomas goes all the way to Transylvania to secure their financial future, gives her everything she ever wanted, accepts her flaws, and gets violently (and some say, sexually) assaulted by Orlok in the process. He almost dies. She spends the rest of the movie causing grief for her best friend and their family (and they all die because of it, of course). Ellen is the root cause of a literal plague being brought to Wisbourg, killing god-knows how many men, women, and children. She also taunts poor Thomas about his assault, saying he was cradled in Orlok’s arms “like a woman.” At first, I thought this was a cuck kind of situation, but looking at it now, it’s actually worse. Oh, and don’t forget how Ellen says Orlok was better in bed than Thomas, so that’s cool. She wasn’t even possessed at this point; she was just angry because he hadn’t killed Orlok yet — y’know, Count Orlok, the impossibly strong, psychic, time-defying, teleporting, centuries-old vampire demon?

How can I possibly embrace the period-perfect plotline or be entranced by Orlok’s operatic, commanding voice when all I see on screen is a screaming narcissist calling a gracious host stupid because he asked her to leave after giving his pregnant wife the plague? How sway?! Even Orlok had ethics, granting her time to come to him willingly. Sure, he threatened her life and everyone she loves, but he is a non-human, monstrous creature; what is her excuse?

Whew… I could go on longer about what an utter piece of shit Ellen is, but I’ll say just one last thing. This is not a knock against Depp because it is clear she did her research and gave her all into the role. It’s more a problem of the writing, I guess? Nosferatu takes place in 1838 Germany, so the speech is very proper. That is completely fine. My issue is that everyone sounds like they’re speaking normally but Ellen, for whatever reason, sounds like she’s in a play or speaking overly-dramatically. It’s a bit odd. Her whole story and speaking style makes me feel like the crew hated her character as much as I did.

Nosferatu could have been a 100% for me. I don’t disagree that this is a good film that deserves praise, but a combination of acting, writing, and computer effects made it less enjoyable overall. As I said before, the first 20 minutes or so were exquisite, seeing dark spaces in the decrepit castle, seeing the Count glide by in the shadows while Thomas grew more and more terrified. Those moments were masterpieces. All of it was grotesquely beautiful. But once it turned into a maniacal love triangle with a man, a monster, and a vampire (heh, see what I did there?), they lost me.

One last thing: my “Frankenstein’s monster” pet peeve. The main antagonist’s name is not “Nosferatu,” it is Count Orlok. He is a nosferatu, which is another word for vampire/whatever kind of creature he is. Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.

What did you think of Nosferatu? Let us know in the comments!