By “worst,” of course, we mean best (for the audience). We’re talking screaming kids. Terrified children. Blood in the Bug Juice. Severed Heads in the rec hall. All of the above! This list gives a couple of the worst times camping in horror — all for our enjoyment!
The Ritual (2017)
This is the perfect example of sticking to known paths instead of taking short cuts you’re unfamiliar with. A group of friends takes a trip hiking across Northern Sweden, something their late friend suggested they’d do. When one hurts their leg and can’t walk, they decide to pass through a valley of dense trees instead of hiking around the long way to the city. A bad idea turns out to be a worse idea, when infighting and strange cult-like figures appear around them. One by one, they’re killed off, until they find hope: a small village in the woods. Now their worse idea is a fatal one.
While a nice hike through gorgeous scenery sounds all well and nice, ending up as a sacrifice for some Nordic demon is not on the camping itinerary for me. But in all reality, these friends make some pretty dumb decisions that can easily be avoided. So you’re likely to be safe in the end.
Bodom (2016)
In 1960, three teens were brutally murdered inside of their tent at the edge of Finland’s Lake Bodom. A fourth teen was able to escape, though badly hurt. The case remains unsolved. In modern time, a group of teens goes to the lake to recreate the mystery crime and try to figure out the identity of the murderer. Everything goes as planned — including the murder of the teens.
I’m all for true crime, and this real-life Finnish murder at the lake is one I hadn’t heard of prior to seeing this movie. That said, I was invested. It plays like a murder mystery, with twists and turns, red herrings, and false endings. I know people do this sort of thing all the time, going to murder sites and “investigating,” but I would think twice about going this far into it, especially when each friend is just a bit shady and just a bit crazy. A guided tour is enough for me!
Sleepaway Camp (1983)
See, this is why you’re always nice to the weird kids! After an accident that kills one in a set of siblings, living sibling Angela joins her cousin Ricky at summer camp. Angela is shy and immediately becomes the camp weirdo, being preyed upon by staff and bullied by other campers. Then kids start dying. There’s a killer on the loose!
I cannot get enough of Sleepaway Camp. It’s just that — extremely campy. Gore is on point. Acting is awesome. It feels like summer camp. And really, I’d have no problem attending Camp Arawak because it truly looks like a fun time, minus the murders. It’s easily avoidable though if you just be nice to everyone.
Friday the 13th (1980)
Camp Crystal Lake is kind of the opposite of Camp Arawak; no one is safe from being murdered. With the exception of the first one, we follow undead former-camper Jason Voorhees as he murders poor camp councelors at his old stomping grounds. No one ever learns their lesson about this cursed lake!
Technically you could survive this if you just don’t sign up to be a counselor or somehow get lucky and are away from the camp when all the murdering is going on. But that wouldn’t be as fun — you’d miss all the creative ways Jason deals with sinful teens! No weapon is off the table… as a matter of fact, even the table is dangerous. Summer fun for movie goers, but probably not so much if you actually went there.
Fear Street: Part 2 – 1978 (2021)
Though it deals a centuries-old curse and a witch, Feat Street‘s Camp Nightwing is a more realistic telling of what would go down with a camp killer terrorizing the kids. Everyone is confused. Poor kids are trapped in buildings unknowingly about to be slaughtered. It almost gives school-shooting vibes. Definitely scarier and more serious.
And that’s why, as much as I love this whole story and visuals, I would hate to go here. Not only are you probably going to be massacred, but you’re even more likely to be bullied or even hurt depending on what side of town you come from! I don’t know why the kids from Shadyside would even go here if given the choice.
The Blair Witch Project (1999)
A very college film student project pick, three kids go out into the woods of Burkittsville, Maryland to search for the infamous Blair Witch who was thought to haunt the woods and cause murders years after her death. Of course, they get lost. They get mad. Then they get dead.
All of the props go to The Blair Witch Project for not only making a camping/ghost hunting combo, but making it convincing. As annoying as the fighting amongst the crew was, it happens when you get lost in the woods. And I’m sure a good portion of us have come across an abandoned house or two. Besides the ending, it’s not actually too bad of a camping experience. But the ending is certainly not something I would look forward to. At least you could see Jason Voorhees coming!
Cabin Fever (2002)
In the wake of Miss ‘Rona, Cabin Fever is everyone’s nightmare of a camping excursion. A group of friends decide to spend their college break at a cabin in the woods. After an encounter with a sick passerby (whom they accidentally kill), they all start coming down with a flesh-eating disease and no way to get to help. It’s gross. It’s bloody. And it makes my skin crawl.
And while it’s unlikely to come across a flesh-eating disease camping at a well-known park, it’s not so unlikely to come back home with a diarrhea-inducing bacteria travelling along in your gullet — true story, it’s happened to me. And sure, a day or two of bubble-gut is easy, but try having your face eaten off and not realizing what’s happening. It’s a death sentence for these campers, and a real sucky one considering they’re really “glamping” (they have a cabin and mostly modern amenities). I’d miss this trip in a hot second.
Mother’s Day (1980)
If you do not like rape-revenge films, this is not for you. And to pair it with Mother’s Day — an almost sacred holiday for mothers — is an abomination. Three women venture into the New Jersey woods for a fun camping trip, unknowingly stalked and eventually captured and brutalized by two ruffian brothers trying to impress their sadistic mother. It’s said to portray what consumerism is doing to people, but it’s more like “look at this crazy family that goes out and tortures women.”
I don’t shy away from these sorts of films, as I think they, in a way, give a brutally honest portrayal of violence against women, but they’re still not enjoyable to me, let alone if I were ever in this type of situation in real life. Imagine going camping and ending up in a serial killer’s murder basement. You don’t know how long you’ll be there. You don’t know what he’ll do to you, or if you’ll live. Hell, would you even want to live after what happened to these girls? Hard pass.
What’s keeping you from the camp of your dreams? Let us know in the comments!
